Access Is Not a Right
- Julie Jewels Smoot
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
Access is not something people are owed.
Not to your time.
Not to your body.
Not to your labor.
Not to your story.
And certainly not to your generosity.
Some people mistake proximity for permission. They believe that shared history, family ties, professional roles, or emotional familiarity entitle them to continued access. They don’t ask. They assume.
That assumption is where harm begins.
Familiarity does not equal consent
Knowing someone does not grant unlimited entry.
Being related to you does not make your boundaries negotiable.
Having known you “before” does not freeze you in that version forever.
Past access does not guarantee future availability.
Consent is not a one-time agreement. It is ongoing, contextual, and revocable.
When someone reacts with anger or disbelief to a boundary, they are not confused. They are confronting the loss of entitlement.
Who gets uncomfortable when access is limited
Pay attention to who struggles when access changes.
It is rarely the people who respect you.
It is often the people who benefited from your silence, your labor, your emotional regulation, or your endurance.
These are the people who say things like:
“You’ve changed.”
“You’re being cold.”
“You used to be different.”
“I don’t understand why you’re like this now.”
What they are really saying is:
I no longer get what I used to take.
Access without accountability is extraction
When someone wants access but resists accountability, what they are seeking is not connection—it is convenience.
They want:
your availability without responsibility
your openness without respect
your care without reciprocity
That is not relationship.
That is extraction with better branding.
Healthy access requires:
mutual respect
clear limits
accountability for impact
willingness to hear no
Anything less is not access—it is overreach.
Revoking access is not punishment
When access is removed, people often frame it as cruelty or retaliation.
It is neither.
Revoking access is a corrective action.
It is a recalibration.
It is the body and psyche saying, this is no longer safe or sustainable.
You do not owe endless chances to people who repeatedly violate your boundaries.
You do not owe explanations to people who argue with your no.
Why women are taught to feel guilty for this
Women are conditioned to equate access with virtue.
We are taught that being available is kindness.
That refusal is selfish.
That boundaries are unloving.
This conditioning benefits everyone except the woman herself.
It trains women to override their own signals in order to maintain harmony. And when a woman finally closes the door, she is labeled difficult, bitter, or cruel.
That narrative exists to keep access open—not to keep women safe.
Access is earned through respect
The truth is simple, even if it makes people uncomfortable:
Access is earned.
It is maintained through behavior.
And it is lost through repeated violation.
No amount of shared history overrides present harm.
No title grants permanent entry.
No relationship excuses disrespect.
This is the line
You are allowed to decide:
who has access
when they have it
and under what conditions
You are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to close doors quietly.
You are allowed to protect yourself without announcement.
Access is not a right.
It is a responsibility.
And you get to decide who carries it.
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